What is Bondage / BDSM?

Though BDSM is only a four lettered acronym, it actually stands for three pairings of letters:

BD – Bondage and Discipline
DS – Dominance and Submission
SM – Sadism and Masochism

BDSM is actually an umbrella term for all of the above. To be able to understand BDSM completely, we must decode what each component means.

What is BDSM

Bondage and Discipline

The bondage refers to the act of restraint, restraint can be anything from simply restricting somebody’s movement, for example tying somebody to a bed or handcuffing their wrists together. But it also includes other sorts of restrictions, for example, wearing a ball gag or an eye mask during the play. There are also some advanced forms of restraint, such as bondage cages or ceiling hooks. Usually, there is a sexual aspect of bondage, but there need not be. Some people find the act of being bound enjoyable in and of itself while others find the aesthetics alone of bondage pleasurable. However, bondage generally is associated with sex for most of part.

Discipline is the act of enforcing obedience through some form of punishments. For example, a dominant partner would set some sort of rules that submissive partner would have to abide by and if that rule is broken there would be some form of punishments. Punishments can include anything but a great example is something like spanking or flagellation.

Dominant and Submissive

If someone automatically puts one partner in control, they will become the dominant partner and the other ends up being submissive. However, these roles aren’t necessarily sexed, because you can get switches and freely move between being a dominant partner and a submissive partner. Someone is a dominant partner doesn’t mean that they’re always dominant and someone is a submissive partner doesn’t mean they’ll always stay that way. Lots of people actually enjoy both roles equally. The dominant partner is in control, they’re able to restrain the submissive partners and create rules and punishments to go with that discipline. On the opposite side of the coin, the submissive partners completely submit to the hands of their dominant partners, they’re going to be restrained and receive spanking or other punishments.

Sadism and Masochism

Sadism is getting sexual gratification from inflicting pain while masochism is enjoying the taking of pain. In some BDSM sessions, the dominant partner may go beyond just insulting and humiliating the submissive partner. They would create some sort of rules and want the submissive partner to break, this will allow them to inflict pain. The punishments could vary from light caning up to more extreme acts such as violently pulling hair, burning with candle wax or pushing a pinwheel on the sub’s body. And a masochist in this situation is going to be the submissive partner, they will be restrained and have been instructed to do something. They know there’s going to be a painful punishment and dutifully accept this abuse as if it is deserved.

4 Big Reasons Why So Many People Enjoy Bondage / BDSM

A recent study on BDSM practitioners shows about 50 percent of American people enjoy some kind of kink or rough sexual fantasy, and about 36 percent admit to using bondage toys such as blindfold during sex. Why do so many people crave BDSM? There are 4 big reasons why so many people are fascinated by BDSM!

Sex Fun

Over time, even the most vibrant sex will become boring, predictable, even formulaic. More and more couples choose bondage to break the routine, using bondage toys to spice things up and bring back some of the sparks. If you want to bring back a sense of excitement and thrill to stale love life, BDSM will not let you be disappointed!

Escape From Reality

Lots of people enjoy the complete disconnect with reality and escape from the stresses of life, responsibility or guilt. It feels like a new, exciting, totally different world with rules and norms. Many people move to an almost trance-like state and forget their real-world responsibility and guilt.

Power

Many people crave power more than money. It’s not surprising that escaping into a world where you can have power over another person and even using their bodies for sexual gratification with impunity is a turn on for many. The power can be particularly attractive to those who may not be in the position of power in real life, bondage gives them an opportunity to be in total control.

Security

You may wonder why people have the desire to be dominated, some psychologists have said that the reason can be traced back to childhood when children are rewarded for being good. It’s common for those who enjoy being subs to please another person even to hurt themselves.

5 Common Bondage / BDSM Activities

If you are imaging about and planning your BDSM play, the activities recommended following might come in handy.

Activities

Bondage

In this play, you will be beautifully and completely bound all over or just be tied with a rope harness. Restriction transforms your bed into a den of iniquity filled with painful pleasure. No matter it is a form of art or a form of punishment, you will discover the delights of tie-up-and-tease play.

Discipline

Discipline is to change Sub’s behavior not only physically but also emotionally. Sadists have various of pain inflicting techniques even through humiliation and freedom deprivation.

Dominance And Submission

The Submissive entitle the power of controlling themselves to the Dominant. It’s a set of behaviors, customs and rituals lasting for whatever length of time the Sub agrees with.

S&M

As you know, the common activity of S&M is giving and receiving pain for pleasure. Significant distress brings great satisfaction in this scenario. Candle wax, leather whip, clothespins and so on are common tools.

Roleplay

It helps to establish a scene where you play your respective roles. The roles of doctors and nurses, executives and secretaries, teachers and students are very popular. There also is animal roleplay for those animal-conscious kinksters, where one of the players plays the part of the non-human role. All these scenes keep you both involved in the fantasy.

Sexual Behaviour

Sexual behaviour typically is a fundamental part of BDSM, but it doesn’t necessarily have to.

Moreover, BDSM includes many other flavors of activities. You can explore flagellation, spanking, medical submission and so on.

What Are Bondage / BDSM Roles?

Dom/Dominant

The person who has been given consent to have power/control over another individual(s) in BDSM practice.

Master/Mistress

The person who has been given consensual power/control over his/her partner.

TOP

The person who is the active participant in BDSM and administering the sexual activity such as penetrating the sub. The Top need not necessarily be the Dom and doesn’t have the power/control over another individual(s).

Sub/Submissive

The person who gives up power/control of his/her actions, behavior and body, is receiving the end of the humiliation and pain from the Dom.

Bottom

The person who is inactive in BDSM and the receiver of sexual activity such as being penetrated. The Bottom is the person receiving the actions of the Top.

Slave

The person who is the day to day “property” of his/her master who must please the master at all times not just during a BDSM practice.

Switch

The person who can assume the role of a Dominant or a Submissive, a Top or a Bottom, depending on the situation and his/her partner.

Masochist

The person who gets orgasmic pleasure from receiving pain from another person.

Sadist

The person who gets orgasmic pleasure from inflicting pain on another person.

4 Tips for Safe and Fantastic Bondage / BDSM Play

Breaking the routine and getting into BDSM play brings so much fun and satisfaction. But it’s easy to neglect the BDSM safety. With the purpose of having fun of your play, you need to keep specific safety protocol in mind.

Roles

Setting Limits

Both soft limits and hard limits are important no matter you are with a long-time partner or a person you do not know very well. They decide what’s acceptable and unacceptable during your play. Soft limits are negotiable activities, while hard limits are activities that you or your partner absolutely will not tolerate. Soft and hard limits are different for everyone. Pre-play negotiations will help you to come up with your limits and make your practice as fun and smooth as possible.

Safe Words

It’s easy to go in too far in BDSM play and can’t stop when something unpleasant occurs. At this time, safe words are available for immediate use. For instance, “Yellow” is commonly used to represent “I’m reaching my limit”, “Red” means “Stop at once” while “Green” stands for “Everything is perfect and keep going”. You can choose any word you like as safe words provided it’s short easy to remember. Negotiate with your partner in advance in case of confusion and misunderstanding.

Physical Safety

BDSM is based on pleasure. So physical safety is super important. You can’t injure your partner or yourself. Full understanding of scenarios and tools that you might be interested in will help. Also, make sure that the tools are safe enough.

Emotional Safety

Emotional safety includes three aspects, safe, sane and consensual.

Safe means partners should check-in with each other not only physically but also psychologically. If one of you are in struggling emotion, you should cease or readjusted the activities.

Sane is reiterated to remind you to distinguish between fantasy and reality. The scenario ends when it ends, and do not make day-to-day life permeate the scenario.

Consensual is essential for all BDSM play to be successful and exciting. Both of the partners have the responsibility to inform the other one of what he/she wants and does not want. And you should observe the limits set in advance.

The knowledge of BDSM safety is super important. If everything you are interested in is safe, proceed and have fun.

How to Introduce Bondage / BDSM to Your Relationship

The novels of Fifty Shades series set again off a bondage boom worldwide. The plot brings an adrenaline rush and inspires people’s curiosity of practicing this kind of sexual experiences. Bondage can be a perfect combination of romance, excitement, trust and intimacy. However, introducing Bondage into real-life relationships still bothers so many of you. You may not know where to start or words always fail you. Don’t be nervous, here are four suggestions may be what you need.

How to introduce

Open Communication

Open communication is essential when you are going to introduce Bondage to your partners. The first thing to do is getting clear about yourselves. How do you feel about bondage? What turns you on? What are your expectations of your partners? And then make a date to have this communication anywhere, a sexual setting excluded. Start off slowly. You could use some hypothetical questions to tempt your partners. Also, true feelings of your own towards bondage sound more attractive and persuasive.

If your partners worry about bondage, encourage them to talk about their hesitations or fears. Further exchanges may help stimulate their curiosities and open their mind to this erotic adventure. If your partners are still not into bondage, respect their choices, bondage is not for everyone. Besides, you don’t have to feel shame of yourself, your desires are quite normal and valid.

If your partners show no disgust or even some interests in this erotic adventure, ask some more open questions so as to explore their deeper sexual desires. Now you are on the same page.

Knowledge Learning

When you are prepared to have a try, don’t rush into action. Bondage isn’t an impulsive act, but instead, it requires planning and preparation. Fight no battle unprepared, and do no bondage experiment untrained. There are so many books, videos, forums and so on available online. Check these out and do some research together with your partners. You will find out what exactly you want to try and which tools satisfy your needs during the research.

Setting Up Rules

There’s just a bit more communicating to do before actual action, setting your own rules. Share your limits honestly, discuss the scope of your activities and specific about what you want. What’s going to happen in bed must be arranged in advance and improvisation is banned in this scene. Creating safe words is also necessary. You can choose any word you like as safe words provided it’s short easy to remember. Whenever one of you says safe words, you both should act accordingly. Once the rules have been established, both of you should obey. And of course, you can update them regularly with the continuous probing.
Step-by-step Practice

Once you decide to give bondage a go, don’t engage in challenging acrobatics immediately. Taking baby steps is highly recommended. One new trial with a little progress each time is enough. As both of you understanding in depth, you will indulge in all the safe, closeness and excitement bondage can bring.

What Toys Are Used in Bondage / BDSM?

Bed Restraints

The most popular form of restraint, just some simple and inexpensive restraints can be used to “retrofit” your bed into a bondage bed.

Handcuffs

Handcuffs are the easiest way to put grabby hands into bondage. The more adventurous may use them to bind the wrists to the feet in a hogtie position. Handcuffs are suitable for use by beginners and experts alike.

Rope

Rope is the most traditional form of bondage and Japanese style of rope tying – Shibari is very beautiful and elaborate. Using rope for bandage is more suited to experienced bondage practitioners because it requires little training and skill.

Spreader Bars

Spreader Bars are designed to keep your lover’s legs exactly where you want them. Ensure they keep their legs spread and you are able to freely access to their body, even during the most leg quivering orgasm for continued pleasure.

Thigh Restraints & Cuffs

Thigh Restraints are mostly used to keep the thighs spread apart for sexual pleasure or pain sensation play. Thigh restraints are fixed to both thighs with wrists in turn shackled to these restraints thereby rendering the wearer’s arms immobilized.

Ties & Straps

Ties & Straps are mostly used to connect restraints to one another or to other objects such as bedposts, chairs, railings, etc. Beginners should start off with: straps, wrist cuffs, and ankle/thigh cuffs.

restrain

Gags

Gags are mostly used to prevent a sub from speaking during the BDSM session, also used as something to bear/bite down when receiving the punishments. There is a wide variety of gags, some of them are covered below. As with all things in the bondage, the selection of gags will be based on individual needs and preferences.

Ball Gag

The most common and best known of all gags are ball gags. This type of gag is the shape of a ball (a little bigger than a golf ball) that sits behind the teeth and is held in place by a strap that wraps around the head. The sub can hardly make intelligible noise and often drools when shouting for help.

Bit Gag

A bit gag is akin to a horse’s bridle and the sub is forced to bite down on bar between the teeth.

Harness Gag

A harness gag is made up of straps, buckles and attachment points for different kinds of gags, such as ball gags. The straps are usually made up of leather and the buckles are attached at the back of the head.

Inflatable Gag

An inflatable gag allows the dom to expand the size of gag in the sub’s month via pump control. The sub can be totally speechless by inflating the gag and so the dom is given more power to control the sub.

Muzzle Gag

A muzzle gag is so named because of its strong resemblance to an animal muzzle. This type of gag is ideal for the dom who wants to treat the sub like a dog.

Open Month Gags

Open months gags are different from the ball gags, unlike the ball gag, the sub’s mouth is open for the dom, for example, to force oral sex on the sub.

Pleasure & Pain Devices

The core of BDSM is pleasure and pain and interplay and overlap. If you want to inflict the pain and pleasure in equal amounts, there are multiple devices you can choose.

Bondage Whips

A Whip is often used to inflict pain/pleasure upon the sub and is operated in a swift motion where the flexible end slaps the sub, often creating a sharp pain, and sometimes even scars on the skin.

Spanking Paddles

A paddle is often made of leather or wood and used by the dom to punish the sub by spanking the buttock.

Bondage Crops

A crop is the most popular accessory used in the BDSM session. Crops often vary in thickness and can also be enhanced with metal studs or spikes for deeper sensations.

Bondage Floggers

A flogger is a toy with several tails attached to the rigid handle and used to flog or whip the sub during the BDSM scene.

Bondage Floggers

Bondage Candles

Bondage candle is designed for the pleasure/pain game. The dom uses the hot wax to punish the sub by dripping all over the sub’s body and even on genitalia.

Wartenberg Pinwheels

Wartenberg Pinwheel is invented by Dr. Robert Wartenberg. It is designed for testing nerves and skin sensitivity and typically used by more experienced BDSM players.

Nipple Clamps

Nipple clamps are used by the dom to inflict the pain by squeezing the sub’s nipples. If you enjoy nipple clamps, you will find that the painful pinch increases sexual stimulation because the nipples are highly sensitive and are considered an erogenous zone, especially in women.

Feather Ticklers

A feather ticker consists of a long, thin handle with soft feathers on one end and typically used to trickle a partner’s skin for a sensuous and sexy experience.